i need an (airbag) wrote in bulgogied,
i need an

(exo) and where has my paradise gone.

and where has my paradise gone.
exo. kris/baekhyun. nc17. sort of a sequel/in the same au as this.

they watch the news side by side, sitting quietly. the announcer talks about hidden dead bodies and crazy old ladies and kris feels baekhyun shiver minutely beside him.

"it's okay," kris murmurs. "that lady won't ever hurt you." his hand comes up and settles (hangs) on (over) the sweet sharp curve of baekhyun's shoulder. the smile baekhyun gives him is brilliantly amazing, as if he carries a supernova on his lips. he's drawn in, like he always is. as the announcer talks about grieving nephews and exhumations, kris touches (hovers) his mouth to (over) baekhyun's.

the apartment goes quiet.

kris doesn't really remember how baekhyun came to live with him. that's what he says, anyways, to his friends. but he remembers it so vividly that he dreams about it sometimes -- its embarrassing so he pretends he doesn't remember.

but it would be hard to ever forget coming home, that rainy warm spring day, and finding baekhyun curled at the bottom of the stairs of his apartment building. his body had been hotwarm like fever and when kris gently shook him ("hey, are you okay?") he'd slowly carefully opened nightblack eyes and fixed his unwavering unblinking gaze at kris. and kris's breath had caught and he actually honestly doesn't remember picking up baekhyun's body and bringing him inside. but he remembers sliding into bed with the boy whose name he didn't know and playing the little spoon when baekhyun had rolled over and pressed himself flush to kris's back. and his heart had thumped.

and thumped.

and thumped.

( "don't," he hisses, though his laughter is clear. "you'll ruin my outfit!"
"no i won't, i'll be careful. come here baobei, let me hold you."
"ugh, so greasy!" whatever else he says is lost in kisses. )

baekhyun doesn't talk much. actually, he doesn't talk at all. he doesn't leave kris's apartment either, not since that first night. kris doesn't mind. he tells yixing that baekhyun is a family friend that he'd gotten back into contact with. yixing is his best friend because he doesn't think its strange at all.

if baekhyun would (could?) talk kris imagines that his voice would sound like the cat his neighbor used to own. a little lost, a lot needy, with a breathy little purr that would always raise the hairs on the back of kris's neck. he thinks baekhyun would sound like that, just like that, except that baekhyun's voice would lift when calling his name ("kris~!") and his supernovasmile would blind out the sun.

"one day, will you call my name?"

baekhyun lies sprawled on kris's lap, his face turned up to kris -- a sunflower to sun -- as kris runs his fingers through his hair and around the curves of his ears. and his nose, a little too sharp for the rest of hs little face, kris traces that too. and his arms, lean and without muscle. and his wrists, thick. and his fingers, delicate. (who is kris kidding? he touches him all over because sometime's he's afraid that baekhyun will float right out of his arms. it feels like he gets a little lighter every day.)

the answer kris gets is a smile, that languid one that makes baekhyun look like a giant puppy dog.

and a small nod.

kris's neighbor, with the cat, is kind of strange. even for kris, who spends his free time holed up in his apartment with a boy that doesn't talk but mouths along to every song he hears with the veins of his throat straining like he's yelling at the top of hs lungs. he's cute though, for his type. average-looking, if it weren't for the roundness of his face, the fullness of his cheeks. whenever they pass each other in the halls, he chatters to kris about the ball he's lost. honestly, kris thinks he's a little insane.

when he tells baekhyun this, baekhyun rolls his eyes and gives him a pointed look. and what about you? his eyes ask. kris shushes him and he laughs, bright and full and silent. and kris finds that too adorable for words, so he can't be blamed when he cups big hands around baekhyun's tiny face and pulls him close by his cheeks. he tilts him upwards and tugs gently until baekhyun's leaning up on the tips of his toes and only when baekhyun pulls his lips into a not-there whine does he lean down the rest of the way and kisses him.

they take each other, right then and there, on the couch in the living room. baekhyun straddles kris's lap and he rides him with an abandon kris can never match. he can only hold on, fingers fanning against baekhyun's soft little waist, eyes fixated where he can see his cock entering the scarily hot heat of baekhyun's body. when baekhyun comes, his back arches so far kris is afraid he'll tumble backwards. he holds onto him, his own breath ragged and straining and utterly helpless. he's helpless to baekhyun's mewls and his smiles and his breathing and his skin and his everything everything everything and baekhyun looks at him and doesn't blink and just eats him alive, eats him whole, leaves nothing of kris that belongs to himself. he's helpless. when kris comes, there's tears on baekhyun's cheeks.

his fingers begin to be unable to find purchase on baekhyun's body. he swears to god that his touches sink right through. but he's sure it's a joke, a prank, his brain having gone the way of haywire because he studies too much. something like that. why in the world would he be able to touch through baekhyun? he's not a ghost.

sometimes, baekhyun touches the scarring at kris's palms, on his arms and calves, and looks at kris inquiringly.

"they're nothing," kris waves off. "they're from--" he pauses, frowns. "you know, i don't even remember how i got them." he chuckles and pulls baekhyun into a hug. "which means they're nothing at all to worry about," he reassures baekhyun. "if i can't even remember how i got them, it must've not been important."

baekhyun quirks a wry smile at him that seems to want to argue otherwise, but kris kisses him before he can start on a silent scolding.

"how do i know your name is baekhyun?"

the question comes quiet, on a stormy day where it's been grey since dawn. they're both panting; baekhyun rests his head on kris's thigh, mouth shiny and wet. kris runs a palm against the line of baekhyun's small, but full, thigh next to his head. his own mouth is sticky.

"you don't talk. so how do i know your name?"

thunder rumbles, it makes the window shake.

the smile baekhyun gives him is small, oh so very small. and brilliantly sad, cutting kris open with its edges.

kris pretends he never said anything at all.

( "do you know what i want to do, when we get old together?"
"what's that?"
"i want to wake up at dawn and see you next to me. and i want to fall asleep at sunset and see you next to me."
"... you have that now?"
"i know. i want it later too." )

on the first day of winter, yixing comes to visit. he brings hamburgers, real american style ones, with thich slabs of beef and wilted lettuce and plastic cheese. kris can't remember the last time he's had one like this and he eats his as if he's dying.

it isn't until the hamburger is finished that he remembers baekhyun, who sits on the couch with his hands folded demurely on his lap and watches them quietly. "you didn't bring one for baekhyun?"

yixing blinks, looks to the couch -- then he smiles apologetically and baekhyun smiles back. "sorry ge, i forgot. i'm not used to you having... someone over."

kris opens his mouth to say something but baekhyun chooses then to plop down on his lap and don't worry about it, i didn't want one anyways is written in his eyes so he smiles again.

yixing forgets to say goodbye to baekhyun when he leaves.

on the sixteenth day of winter, kris can no longer hold baekhyun close because his arms slide right through him. when baekhyun sits on his lap, there's no weight. when he closes his eyes to kiss him, there's no taste.

chanyeol brings laughter when he comes to visit. kris hasn't left his apartment in a long while now, so his friends come to see him instead. "man hyung, your apartment is a mess!" he's all teeth as he goes and picks up the clothes kris has laying around everywhere. "if baekhyun could see this he'd flip, you know how--" his words screech to a halt, chanyeol's eyes going wide.

kris blinks. "are you okay?"

chanyeol leaves very quickly.

baekhyun, leaning in the door frame of the bedroom, watches him go with the corners of his mouth pulled down and something like longing in his eyes.

spring blooms again, bringing the rain. it makes kris think of finding baekhyun at his stairs, nearly a year ago. it makes him smile. but it makes baekhyun frown, as he stands at the window and looks out at the rain. kris tries to cheer him up with horrible jokes, his impression of a fierce dragon, imitating that one popular idol that baekhyun likes, the one who wears too much eyeliner from what kris had seen of him. the most he gets is a small smile. its sincere, but it wavers delicately just a second before it's gone.

kris just holds him instead. it works better than trying to dance.


he was dreaming, there was a fire, screaming -- he can feel the fire on his skin and he can hear don't! go back, kris, go! go! and --


he bolts awake.

baekhyun sits beside him on the bed, kneeling. something in his eyes look very very dead.


and there it is, his voice, and kris feels his heart clench. it sounds like nothing he had imagined and everything he had wanted.

"i have to go now," baekhyun murmurs.


"yes." the smile kris is given hurts all the way down to the marrow of his bones. "i've been here too long already, hyung. but i couldn't -- i couldn't leave you like this, not yet. it was selfish, but i... couldn't help it."

kris is frightened, horribly terribly frightened, like tar is down his throat and a black presence is settling around them. "no. not yet."

baekhyun shakes his head, slow and quiet. he leans in and he brushes his mouth to kris's and this time he can feel it. "i will always be yours," he whispers. there's tears on his eyelashes, little delicate things, like crystals. until they fall. "and you will always be mine."

when kris opens his eyes, baekhyun is gone.

the television sounds glaringly loud, but kris leaves it on because the silence of the apartment is almost painful otherwise. he sits on his couch; he's cold.

"today marks the year anniversary of the terrible fire at the olympic stadium. the fire, started at a music festival when faulty light wiring sparked a blaze, killed twelve and injured twenty-six. one of the most notable loses is singer byun baekhyun, who had just released his third album. to this day, the event has been immortalized in a single picture taken of the singer's body, being held to the chest of who we believe was his long-time lover, model kris wu.

the anniversary will be commemorated by a memorial service, held in the newly renovated olympic stadium...

"hey, hyung. feeling any better?" chanyeol's voice is soft behind him.

kris shakes his head, silently.
Tags: c: baekhyun, c: kris, g: sadness, g: supposed to be scary, g: weird, p: baekhyun/kris, r: nc17, universe: white nights

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